


One More Time With Feeling

by trashpanda_remus



Series: One More Time with Feeling [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Cancer, Gen, Leukemia, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Sick Remus, Though if you wanna help me research I won't complain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-05
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22569763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashpanda_remus/pseuds/trashpanda_remus
Summary: Cross posted on TumblrRemus, ten years after beating leukemia, is getting sick again. The entire community he amd his brother built feels the shock and fear as he fights to keep hope.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: One More Time with Feeling [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1623970
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	1. Take it from the top

“Roman sighed, rolling his eyes at his screen. On it was Remus absolutely _glowing_ , waving his left hand around and shrieking so loud he coughed. Beside him was Janus, smiling as well and grabbing Remus’ hand. On both men’s hands were matching gold bands.

_**“I’m going to be a husband, y’all!!” Remus’ scream pushed through the speakers and Roman had to turn his phone off to regroup.** _

It wasn’t that Roman wasn’t happy for his brother, he was ecstatic that Remus had found somebody and all that, but he had to find out through a _vlog_? Three weeks later?

The King twins hardly spoke after they turned 20, but this was a huge life event and Remus was _still_ too angry to give him a call?

The King twins had once been inseparable. Until they turned nineteen, when Remus drifted, fell into a crowd his brother wasn’t a fan of. College pulled them apart in a way high school hadn’t quite achieved. But that didn’t mean they didn’t care about one another.

The two hardly spoke, yes, but it wasn’t as though they hated one another - Roman at least expected a call. If it weren’t for his brother’s YouTube channel, would he have ever known?

Watching his brother laugh onscreen, his chest tightened. The duo looked happy; Janus lighting up in a way Roman ha only ever seen when the two were together. Remus was cackling at every other sentence from his boyf- fiance. He was proud of Remus, that he was happy, but that didn’t stop the hurt. 

**“ _We’re thinking something simple!” Remus announced. “In six months. We’re only waiting for that because I’ve gotta go to the doctor’s office the week before to be officially pronounced cured.”_**

Roman had almost forgotten about that. Had it almost been ten years already? The months hovering over his brother, taking notes over any sign of illness or ailment seemed to drag into his memories of just yesterday. But, Remus was going to be cured in less than a year.

Thoughts moved through Roman’s head as he moved towards his phone. and dialed his twin brother’s number. The phone rang three times before there was an answer.

 _“Rah!”_ Remus’ voice erupted from the phone, loud and excited with a wheeze behind it, as though he had been laughing before picking up. _“What’cha need, Ro-Ro?”_

“Oh, nothing,” Roman chided into the phone. “Just an explanation as to why my own brother didn’t want to tell me he was engaged?”

“ _Oh,”_ Remus sighed. “ _I wanted to call everyone, but somebody saw Dee’s ring in a stream and - I just had more announcements I wanted to do later on and...”_ Remus coughed. _“Things got derailed.”_

 _“_ Derailed? How?” Roman asked. “When were you planning to tell me?”

 _“When I get home from my doctor’s appointment tomorrow,”_ Remus said, trying to be casual. “ _They’re running tests, cause a big milestone’s coming up and you know how my luck works.”_

Roman chuckled at his brother, rolling his eyes. Remus did tend to have terrible luck when milestones approached. He had to get his tonsils taken out the night before his tenth birthday, spent his sixteenth in chemo. He had been so sick the day before graduation that he almost passed out on stage. 

“ _And it doesn’t look good, Roman...”_ Roman’s breath stopped. 

“What... What do you mean, Re?” He tried to even out his breathing, not good could mean a lot of things, right? His mind was just stuck because he was a worrywart, he worried about his brother, big deal.

“ _The tests are still underway, so we aren’t panicking, but I’ve been feeling.. off. And Jan’s been scared that maybe it’s getting bad.”_ Remus sighed. “ _My doctor says that if it happens, it’ll probably respond to what was used last time. It’ll be okay. I just... wanted it to be a good news, bad news thing.”_

Roman felt like the walls were closing in. This was a nightmare he’d had when he was nineteen, a scary thought that passed his mind from time to time when he wasn’t quite busy enough to keep them at bay. This couldn’t be real. He knew he couldn’t protect his brother from this, but he felt like, like a failure. The cotton was back in his throat, but he spoke up.

“Okay,” he sighed. “Just... keep me updated, please. Let me know the moment you get the news!”

“ _Promise, Twinno! The second I get a yay or nay, you’re getting a phone call!”_

And with that, there was silence. 

_-_-_-_-_-

The next day, Roman was on his toes. He leaned close to everybody around him, his friends were supportive of him, letting him lean despite his refusal to talk about what was bothering him. He tried to do some editing, some writing and all that, but his gaze kept flickering to his phone. His mind was wandering.

The phone didn’t ring until four in the afternoon, Virgil jumped out of his skin with how quickly his boyfriend grabbed for it. Roman’s voice was frantic as he picked up the phone. 

“Remus!” His voice was choked up, without even knowing the news. “So?”

“ _Remember that time when we were sixteen?”_ Remus’ subdued voice was the first red flag. “ _It came back and you got all wishy washy, all ‘but why you?’ and stuff. And I said, ‘Ya know, it just didn’t think I beat it right the last time. This time I’ll get it right.’”_

Roman nodded, not liking where this was going. 

“ _Well time to start from the top. One more time with feeling.”_


	2. Ensamble

Remus’ diagnoses came as a bigger shift every time. The first one was a jolt - a fright that seemed to shake his family more than it did hi. Somehow he had to be the strong one after that. Roman was the prince, the knight in shining armor, but somehow his twin was left grasping to find a way to be that, too. 

The second diagnosis was a curse; a joke on him. The world saw Remus picking himself up and found the easiest route to snatch that away. Mama and Papa were inconsolable, Roman ever-stressed and now he had to hold his head up even higher than the first time, anything to help.

The third time finally got to him. He was so close! Dee had to hold him up as they left the hospital, Remus too broken up to even apologize to the staff for his outburst. 

The doctor had expected it, no doubt, but that didn’t make his cry any less jarring as it left his mouth. Remus himself was surprised by the noise, the tears falling from his eyes. Now he had to put on a brave voice and call Roman...

* * *

The door to the cafe let out a little _ring_ , signalling Remus to turn his head. Roman lead the charge into the restaurant, followed by Virgil, Logan and Patton. It was proposed as a meeting for their joint YouTube community, where Remus would break the news to the last three (who were already sure that _something_ was going on) and lay out plans - both for Remus medically and personally and for the community as a whole. 

Roman, the only one privy to what was going on, took a seat next to his brother, drawing raised eyebrows from Virgil as he sat in front of Roman and Patton and Logan as they relaxed next to him. 

“It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these meetings, Remus,” Logan was the first to break the silence. “Why did you call a team meeting?”

“Big news, Nerdy Wolverine,” Remus kept his voice jovial, poking fun at Logan before pushing the subject aside, averting attention from the situation at hand. “Definitely something to discuss over drinks!”

Dee took Remus’ hand. They had rehearsed this, of course, went over the plans and news and announcements. This should be the _easy_ part, he knew. Telling the people who already loved him should have been a breeze. Later, he was going to have to make a public statement, face millions of strangers and give the access to private information and fears. 

Yes, this should be much easier than telling his subscribers. But, he wouldn’t have to see the difference in the way his _subscribers_ looked at him. Already, Roman was giving him Big Brother once overs. His eyes bore into Remus as though, now that it was discovered, the cancer would jump out for the world to see. But, no, it was stuck in his blood - forcing him to announce it himself.

The drinks came and Remus was still engrossed in thought. Dee had to shake him out of it long enough to tap his glass, dramatically stirring the tea inside. 

"So, you all must be wondering why I called you here today," Remus looked around dramatically.

"Yes, I was just asking about th-" Logan was cut off by Remus' dramatic flair.

"We're going to have to make some changes, due to a," Remus' personality shifted, subdued now. "A medical issue."

"What's wrong, Kiddo?" Patton asked, sensing the tone of the conversation changing. "Are you okay?"

"I uh... I have leukemia..." The tone dropped and a blanket seemed to fall on them all. "Again? Still? I don't know, but it's there..."

"Rem..." Virgil looked at his old friend, trying to find a hint that this was a joke, while in poor taste, he wouldn't put it past him. "I'm so so-"

" _Sorry_? Yeah, I got that. It just - We gotta work through some stuff. I'm starting chemo in a couple weeks and my upload schedule's going to be all messed up-" 

"Your upload schedule?" Patton's voice got stern. "Remus, you're going through cancer treatment! We can handle your uploads and all that. Promise!"

"What's important is what's going on with you!" Roman assured. "So, what did the doctor say, Dukie?"

"Well, since it's been so long a more aggressive version of my original treatment should work," Remus smiled. "But if that doesn't work in the first few months they may go as far as T.B.I... Chemo starts in a couple weeks, checking closely."

Everybody nodded. 

"We'll figure the channel out later," Surprisingly, it was Logan who spoke this time. "Right now the most important thing is - how are you feeling?"

And if you ask him later, Remus will tell you he _didn't_ cry.


End file.
